Boulevard of Broken Dreams
by dl-shipper34
Summary: Spoilers for 4x13. Takes place a few days after 4x11. DL oneshot.


A/N: My muse wouldn't leave me alone until I posted this, a oneshot in response to "Child's Play". Please be warned that it does contain a small spoiler for 4x13 ("Family Ties"), but it also contains my own thoughts. The song is 'Boulevard of Broken Dreams' by Green Day. Reviews are appreciated. Enjoy!

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_ **I'm walking down the line  
That divides me somewhere in my mind**_

Dark clouds rumbled over New York City, threatening to dump water over the inhabitants. Danny, however, was oblivious to it all. He slowly walked down the street, ignoring the other people as they whipped out their newspapers in preparation for the oncoming rain. While they were curious as to why snow wasn't in the forecast, as it was reaching the middle of November, Danny's conscience screamed in his mind. His normally bright eyes were now shrouded in grey, and his somber features greeted those who passed him.

Ruben was dead. It was an accident; the bullet that had slain him was meant for the robber of the Bodega. This fact alone made the grieving process even more difficult to swallow.

He didn't care that they had caught the murderer. Sure it was a form of closure, but Danny wanted more. He wanted Ruben alive. He wanted to see his cheery smile and hear his boyish voice. He wanted to be able to talk to him about school and his friends.

He wanted all these things, but he was simply asking for the impossible.

He had no idea that Ruben had been killed. It was only when he had visited the morgue that he had realized the sickening truth. Ruben's limp body lay on the table, a bullet wound in his upper torso. Danny's eyes had immediately welled up in tears before he snapped and reached for him. Sid exploded, yelling at him to step away. Hawkes had been there, intervening between the two men and calming them both down. Danny could not tear his gaze away from the horrific sight. He had vowed to protect the boy as if he was his own, but he had failed.

_**My shadow's the only one that walks beside me  
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating**_

The rain came down now, but Danny kept walking. A shard of memory flashed across his vision, and he shut his eyes to try and block the image. But it refused to disappear, and as he headed down the street it exploded in his mind.

---

FLASHBACK

_Rikki peered up at the large cross that stood before her. Wiping away a stray tear, she sniffed and heard the soft shuffling of feet behind her. Danny glanced at the cross before shifting in to the row behind the distraught mother. The young man's eyes were glazed over with tears, and his face was heavy with sorrow. His hand moved up to grasp her shoulder, but he thought better of it and placed it on the back of the wooden bench. Rikki's lips twitched slightly, and Danny attempted a half-hearted smile. He was never one for religion, but now he needed the Lord's grace more than ever. No words were spoken as Danny bowed his head, the two immersed in their own grief._

END FLASHBACK

---

A vibration went off in his jean pocket, yet he did not reach for his cell. Completely ignoring the water that drenched his hair and coat, he continued his trek to a particular building, hoping – praying – that he hadn't screwed things up.

---

Lindsay sighed and pressed 'End' on her cell. A few days had passed since the case with the young boy, and Danny had pushed everyone away – including her. She wasn't angry with him; she knew that he was only requesting some space. But her mind refused to let her forget the way he had acted. He had blown work off on numerous occurrences. Flack had been ordered to go to his apartment to try and find him, but when he did, Danny was nowhere to be seen. Lindsay was concerned that he was neglecting other things as well, including his own body. In the days following Ruben's death, it had become clear to everyone that Danny was seriously affected by the disturbing case. He was unusually quiet and, when he did come to work, kept to himself. His features became gaunt-like, and his eyes…Lindsay found it difficult to look at them. The normally oceanic blue had been replaced with a grey hue, and they looked old and tired. Hardly anyone on the team saw him. It was a worrisome situation: Danny, one of the backbones of the NYPD Crime Lab, had put himself at a distance and was allowing no one inside. Rubbing her temple, Lindsay closed her eyes as her mind strayed back to their argument, knowing that she had to do something before Danny became physically sick, or worse.

---

FLASHBACK

_As he opened the door, Danny's features fell only slightly. But Lindsay noticed it. She stood holding a case of beer, waiting to be invited in. Danny, however, only looked at her plainly._

"_Hi." He stated simply._

"_Hey. I brought you some beer."_

"_Thanks." After a hesitant pause, he spoke again. "Look, I kinda want to be alone right now."_

_She nodded understandingly, catching the faraway look in his doleful eyes. "Okay, well, I just thought I'd come by and see how you were. You weren't at work today; I got a little worried."_

_Danny was starting to become irritated. He was in no mood to discuss things and wanted to be by himself. He didn't mean to, but he snapped at her. "Look, can we just talk about it tomorrow? Please? I promise, alright? I just…" he trailed off, hoping she would get the message._

_Although she knew he was upset, Lindsay was taken aback by the sharpness of his tone. Her face hardened as her eyes narrowed slightly. She gave a curt nod before stepping back. "Fine, we'll talk tomorrow. Take care of yourself, Danny."_

_Handing him the beer, she turned heel and made for the elevator. Danny glanced at the back of her head before softly closing the door._

END FLASHBACK

---

A knock came at her front door. Rising from her spot on the couch, Lindsay gracefully walked over and peered through the peephole. Her heart rose in her throat, and she slowly opened the door to reveal a soaking wet Danny. Rivulets of rainwater streamed down his cheeks, dripping off his chin and landing on the floor with a soft _plop_. His eyes pleaded with her, and without a word she took his cold hand and led him inside, closing the door behind him.

She turned to look at him. Slate irises stared back, and she padded over to her bedroom where she grabbed a towel and the large quilt that her mother had given her when she was younger. Silence rendered in the air as Lindsay took off his jacket and hung it in the closet near the front door. She then took his hand again and brought him to the couch, where he sat down and allowed her to take off his wet shirt. Danny shivered as his cold skin became exposed to the air, but when Lindsay threw the thick quilt over his shoulders, he instantly warmed. Instinctively pulling the blanket tight around his shoulders, he watched her as she sat down beside him and merely began to wipe the water off his face with the towel. Danny's gaze remained fixated on hers as she gently dried his hair, instantly losing himself in her chocolate eyes.

Once she was finished she clasped his hands and peered levelly at him. "Talk to me."

Danny's shoulders buckled under the immense weight he had placed there himself. "He's gone, Linds…he's gone and it's my fault. I'm sorry for yelling at you, I'm sorry for pushing you and work away…I just…he's dead because of me."

Lindsay chided him softly. "No, none of this is your fault. Don't blame yourself for this"

It was his turn to stare. "My job is to protect those who cannot protect themselves. I made a promise to his mother, that I would take greater care of his life than I would my own. Ruben was a child; someone who had barely begun life. How can I live with that?"

"Danny," she pointed out gently. "We cannot always protect the victims. It's part of being a cop. You're not always going to save them; it's unrealistic." She noticed water brimming in his eyes, and she offered a soft smile. "Let it out, Danny. Don't be afraid to weep."

No longer able to contain his emotions, Danny sighed heavily and collapsed on the couch. Lindsay was there to catch him, and she held him tightly, rubbing his shoulders and whispering words of encouragement. A whimper released itself from his throat, and she allowed him to bury his face in her lap. Ignoring the tears that wetted her pants, Lindsay bent down and placed her cheek on his back, listening to the steady rhythm of his heart and broken sobs in his lungs. When he lifted his head to gaze at her, the whites of his eyes were red from the tears. Lindsay's heart was already broken, but this mere sight was enough to shatter it into a million shards.

His voice was like a little boy asking his mother to read him a bedtime story. "Can I stay the night?"

"Of course."

---

Another chilly night had enveloped over the city, but Danny and Lindsay did not concern themselves with the weather. They lay in her bed, the former's head resting on the latter's chest as she ran gentle fingers through his damp hair. Danny closed his eyes, attempting to fight away the thoughts of Ruben for at least the time being. He only wanted to focus on her delicate hand and secure embrace. For the first time in many a day, a sense of bliss washed over him, tolling through his veins like twin bells.

After a while of lying in silence, he titled his head so he could look at her chocolate eyes. "I'm sorry."

She continued to stroke his hair as she replied, "It's alright. You were upset."

Danny did not want this to end so abruptly. He sat up and reached for her hand, rubbing a thumb over her knuckles. "Yes, but my actions were foolish. I should not have snapped at you and treated you the way I did. I pushed you away, and all you were trying to do was help me."

Lindsay shook her head. "You're in the same place I was, Danny. You wanted to help me through my troubling times, and all I did was push_you_ away. Listen to me," she slid her hand out from his grasp and touched his chin with a thumb and index finger. "You have just been through a very traumatic event, but you mustn't blame yourself for it. Don't take the same path I did, because it will only pull you into a darker corridor."

Danny let the wisdom of her words sink in as they slid under the covers together. Her arms wrapped around his body as his own limbs snaked across her waist and pulled her in close, his forehead resting against hers. Usually Danny was doing most of the holding, but this time it was he who needed comforting. The roles were now reversed, something that did not go unnoticed by Danny. He had offered his support when she was struggling through life, and now she was returning the favour.

No words were spoken for a few minutes as each relished the touch and embrace of the other. Finally, Danny tapped her lightly on the nose, forcing her to open her eyes and glance at him. "Thank you, Montana. For everything."

Lindsay placed a kind hand on his cheek, staring deeply into his very spirit. "Even a warrior cannot always save his comrades, no matter how brave he is."

Danny reached up and grasped her smaller hand in his, lowering them both to hover over his heart. The pain would never really go away, as it was with all deaths, but he knew that in time the scars would heal and he could continue life.

Closing his eyes, Danny soon met up with Lindsay in the citadel of dreams, and the two slept peacefully for the remainder of the night in each others' embrace.

**In my darkest moment  
when all seems lost.  
You are at my side. **

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A/N: The bold lines above are from 3x06 - "Oedipus Hex." 


End file.
